Being Mummy….It’s hard!

Growing up I was always playing with baby dolls, pushing a pram, plaiting Miss Make Up’s hair or playing ‘house’ with a friend. I knew back then I always wanted children and I longed to be a mummy. My own mum had my sister and I and then became a full time childminder when I was probably around 3/4 if i remember right, so there was always babies or toddlers in our house (Mum made it look easy having us two and maybe up-to 5 other kids in the house) and I loved playing with them and mothering them I’ve always been around children so when Peter and I got together it was clear from the start that we both wanted kids in the future.

Fast forward 10years and here we are, married 5years, with a 3year old, a 20month old and we have another baby on the way…Just call us crazy eh 😝 and as cliché as this sounds, Yes are hands are full and will soon be even fuller when baby arrives but our hearts are even fuller and we couldn’t imagine our lives without the boys and this little baby now

BUT….

Dear god no one, not a one, nobody at all tells you how bloody hard motherhood/parenting is. When you meet a new mummy in the street or wherever you Congratulate them, you coo over the newborn and tell them how wonderful life is being a parent and head on. Now obviously if someone had stopped me in the street with my little newborn Seth and told me ALL the harsh realities of being a mother and how hard the days/nights can be I would probably broke down there and then but in all honesty newborns in my opinion are easy they’re not hard work, it’s when they get up a bit and into the toddler stage and then baby no2 comes along maybe that’s when things for me personally changed.

Now my two boys are no angels but yet they’re not little terrors either, they’re just typical toddlers and anyone who is the owner of tiny humans I’m sure would agree they all have their moments/days. Although this past couple of weeks for me I don’t know if it’s the pregnancy hormones, if it’s stress or what it is but I’ve just been finding motherhood really bloody hard. I’ve been juggling being a stay at home mummy, working late nights, they’ve both been sick, we have had 2trips to the gp’s, vaccinations, lots of night time wake ups from them both and tantrums galore. Then on top of that we had a wee incident with Seth in nursery to deal with this week.

All this has had me shouting (too much), stressing, crying and just feeling like the shittiest mummy EVER. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve rang Peter in tears telling him I can’t do it anymore and that they deserve better. I know they’re kids and these things all come hand in hand with being a parent but sometimes I do wish a mother or father anyone really who’s brought up children themselves were honest with me and told me about all the things that come with parenthood. I would much rather honesty all the way than someone sugar coating it and telling me is would all be rainbows and sunshine filled with blissful days out, crafting, baking and singing like Mary bloody Poppins.

I do believe social media can have a negative effect on mothers these days too though. I like Instagram I do but I am so over the ‘make believe’ side of it. I get that people wanna see pretty pics especially when they’re having a crap day themselves, it helps them escape for a while (I scroll to get an escape too) but for me personally it can leave me feeling even worse and completely inadequate in comparison to those mums that have the house sitting to perfection (still can’t get my head around that one when in ownership of tiny humans) the kids and themselves dressed to perfection, them sitting with a face full of make up, not a hair out of place, all while just chilling in the house playing with the kids after being out having had the bestest day EVER. I will never be an instagram or Pinterest Mummy, homeowner or fashionista it’s just too much work for me lol

And yes I know, I know people only share the good or keep their insta as a hi light reel to capture the good but sometimes I think it’s so nice to see a ‘real life’ photo too and more so a real honest caption. If they’ve had a crap day, tell us. If the child/children have been dicks, tell us don’t pretend or feel like you have to upload a perfect picture or upload the only picture you took that day cause the kids wouldn’t play ball and it was a wasted day out yet tell us it was amazing when in reality it was a disaster from start to finish cause come on admit it we’ve all had those days. And I love those boys of mine beyond words but I do love/need a break from time to time and I’m not afraid to admit that, be it an hour to get my nails or hair done or a full weekend away with Peter it’s needed so I can miss them and come back with a clear head especially when it’s been one of those weeks.

I guess what I’m trying to say is motherhood isn’t plain sailing it’s hard damn work and it thee hardest job we will ever have in our lives and I’m really feeling the pressure of it at the moment but this too shall pass, something I’ve been telling myself since May 2015 when I earned the title of mummy. Sometimes too while your Hubby or partner is out working their arses off (or if you’re a single parent) it can feel so so lonely like you’re the only person in the world that’s dealing with it. My friends don’t all live near by unfortunately either so I can’t just pop over for a cuppa and rant so hence my insta and blogging honesty lol plus I bend poor Peter’s ears about my days which is what they’re for, right?

So let’s all support one another, let’s all celebrate the good days, the bad days and keep it real and remember that we are never alone. I just hope that when my children are older they don’t remember these hard days, the days that mummy was shouting or stressing and they only remember the good days, the days mummy tried her best and most of all ALWAYS loved them unconditionally…Even when they were dicks 🤣🤣🤣

Jenna
xx

Boy or Girl…Does it matter??

Oh maybe you’ll get your girl now, I bet you’re hoping it’s a girl, Wouldn’t it be lovely for the boys to get wee sister, Did yous try for a girl?…..Yup just a few of the idiotic one liners I’ve been hearing since we announced we are having baby no3 or when I tell people I’m pregnant and that I already have 2boys. What is it with people when they speak to a pregnant woman it’s like they have no filter and the words just come out like projectile vomit.

I think people make these statements because it’s almost like they assume all women want a daughter so they have a little bestie, a little mini me to brush her hair, twin with and go on coffee dates with and that all men want the ultimate prize of a son to do all those manly things with like wrestle, play football/rugby with and go down the pub with. Although personally I don’t like those assumptions because my two boys are my little besties, yes Seth is the born spit of his daddy but he’s like me in so many other ways, Arthur well he is definitely without a doubt my mini me in every way. And I twin with them, already take them on coffee dates, I kick a ball with them and I will definitely be joining them and their daddy down the pub when they’re older, they can’t ditch me that easily lol

⬆️It’ll be a while before the pub outings start

I will admit that years ago when I was young, carefree and very naive I would’ve probably said those silly things to people or put them on the spot like that but since growing up (kinda) and becoming a mother myself I’ve learnt just how much those type of comments can affect someone, especially a hormonal woman!!! It’s like those other comments ‘are you sure it’s not twins in there’ or ‘oh you’re huge already when are you due’ or ‘you look ready to go’ (when you’re like 20wks😡) why can’t they just say ‘You look lovely, you’re glowing’ even if I look like shit and I know they’re lying it would make me feel so much better lol

⬆️16week bump, I’m sure the ‘you’re massive’ comments will commence soon🤷🏼‍♀️

When I was growing up I always played with dolls & prams I knew I wanted to a mummy for sure and when Peter and I would talk about our future and our hypothetical kids I always got so excited but I imagined I would be a mother of daughters, i had the girls name chose for years as I come from a long line of girls on my mums side and well probably my dads actually too thinking of it. So I just assumed I would have girls. Honestly though (no trolling or judging lol) I always wanted a little boy, preferably first though just so any future children would have a big brother in their life so when I had Seth I was delighted I couldn’t believe my luck, now I would’ve been equally delighted obviously if I had a girl of course but in a way my dream had came true and so if we had anymore babies they would always have a big brother and when Arthur came along I thought ‘how lucky am I, a mummy of two boys’.

So now as a mummy of two boys I’m not gonna lie it would be nice to have a little pink in the house. It’s the first pregnancy where I’m sorta gravitating to everything girlie, the clothes, the names and well I sorta feel that it would be lovely to complete the family and we would get to raise both genders BUT I will be 100% happy if baby no3 is a boy, we will still be as a family complete and I will be forever surrounded by handsome men.

One things for sure tho that this little one is loved beyond measure no matter what gender they may be💙💗 Only 3sleeps until we find out who you are BabyM 💛

Jenna xx

SURPRISE….We’re pregnant with no3👣

So you know when you’re a busy mummy just doing the day in, day out, things like school runs, grocery shopping, wiping dirty bums and ‘trying’ to keep the house reasonably tidy while also working 3nights a week…The days and weeks kinda just roll by and before you know it you’re 5weeks pregnant and you had no bloody clue😳

It was 10days before our holiday to Salou, I was sitting in the end of the year party at the mums & tots group scrolling my phone and it dawned on me that I probably should have had or should be expecting my period. I had been tracking it on an old ttc/pregnancy app the previous 2/3months so that I would have an idea if I would be due it before or while on holiday. So I went on and low and behold I was on cycle day 35 and it had been 5wks from my previous period. ‘Nooooooo that couldn’t be right, jenna you eejit you’ve entered in the wrong date’ quickly hit home button enter into another app and dear god no it’s got the same dates…You know when you can literally feel the colour drain from your head right down your body and you come over all hot and panicked yea that was me, while bouncing Arthur on my knee and singing ‘if you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands’

The boys oblivious to mummy’s meltdown 🤣

I’ve never wished for a tots group to be over already as much in my Mum life even on those days when Seth’s being a dick. I’ve also never exited a building so fast with the boys under each arm to strap them in (thank god for 360 no nonsense swivel seats) and head straight for Poundland. No point spending £13 on a pregnancy test from Boots when Poundland’s do the same and it’ll be negative anyway 😏 that’s just a waste of money.

The picture I sent to peter outside Poundland lol

Well home we went, I set the boys up with some lunch and off I went for a wee on a stick…Well I was no sooner pulling up the jeans and washing my hands when I turned to grab the towel and there is was 2lines ‘surprise you’re pregnant’

And there they are those 2lines

Ehhhhh, How did that happen??? Well we all know how but I don’t need to go into the details of course cause no one wants to think about that 🤢🤦🏼‍♀️🤣 We hadn’t been ‘trying’ we were being careful, we were for Las Vegas in October for Peter’s 30th. We had always talked about wanting a third child but sorta planned on ‘trying’ after Vegas or even Christmas but I guess god had other plans and I am a firm believer in ‘what’s meant to be, will be’

Early scan 7wks 5days…Baby No3 💛

I’ll not lie it took a few weeks tho for the reality of it to sink in…We are going to have (for a around 3months) 3 children 3 and under…Say what!!!! We are going to have to change the car, we will have to consider that upstairs extension on the house and my weekly tesco food bill is definitely going to increase due to the wine, gin and coffee that’ll be needed to support me through the days🤣

BUT everything happens for a reason, every child is a blessing and we are incredibly lucky to have been blessed again with another little baby. It’s unfortunately an experience denied to many people and I will never ever take it for granted and I will forever be grateful.

Jenna xx

But he’s my baby…

He will be ok….Sure he’ll be in the best hands….It’s for the best….He will be like a different child when it’s done!

Just some of the things that have been said to me in the last week, hell they’ve been said to me since we knew Arthur had a cleft palate and would need the surgery last year. I know the people saying these lovely things only mean well and they’re trying to reassure me and I know they’re 100% right, I do BUT he’s my baby and I will have to hand him over to a room full of strangers and walk away trusting them with MY baby, that’s not gonna he easy.

As a mother from the day you first hold that baby in your arms you want to protect them and in that moment you know and promise that you will do everything and anything to never let any harm come to them. Now I know this operation is to repair Arthur’s wee cleft palate so he can eat, drink and speak normally without shooting food and drink back out his nose bless him and with some speech therapy he should have no issues with speaking/singing etc and yes he could live without having the operation but that’s just no way to live your life the way he does now, it wouldn’t be easy or comfortable for him so we know the surgery is for the best. That said it doesn’t make the thought or reality of it any easier.

That moment ☺️💙

1day old adored by his big brother and blissfully unaware that he had a cleft palate!

The day we found out 😩

Arthur’s cleft at almost 5weeks old

I can’t quite put my finger on it either as to how exactly I’m feeling as the day draws nearer. Obviously I am nervous for what’s to come, I’m anxious at the thought of what poor wee Arthur has ahead of him, not just the operation but the recovery too and i kinda just have a feeling in the pit of my stomach that I can’t shift. I also feel a little anxious for Seth as lately he’s become more aware of when Peter and I aren’t around and constantly asks for us apparently if we are away for a period of time and he’s going to spend probably a lot of next week (which is also half term from school) with family and he will be absolutely fine and not to mention spoilt but I also feel bad for him as our attention will very much have to be on Arthur’s recovery and I just don’t want him to feel pushed out or anything, ugh being a Mummy is thee hardest job, isn’t it??

How did we get so lucky ❤️They adore each other 💙

Last night I sat and watched a series of videos on a you tube channel from CHARLOTTE LOUISE TAYLOR mother of a little girl who was born with Stickle syndrome, PRS and a cleft palate therefore she had undergone cleft palate surgery just last year (almost a year to the day of Arthur’s actually) she was the first person I was told to go follow on Instagram when I told everyone and since then I’ve spoke to many other parents who’ve experienced the same from local to America which had been fab. Anyhow I found myself crying at everyone of Charlotte’s videos, as I sat listening to her everything she was saying I was feeling, from the guilt of feeling like it was my fault that he had the cleft palate in the first place, something I’ve often blamed myself for since it was me that grew him after all (there’s no evidence to suggest it was anything I did, it’s just pure mothers guilt) to the feelings of handing your baby over to the medical team, to the worry of how the recovery is going to go it’s just one thing after another. And before anyone rolls their eyes and thinks ‘oh give over about it already, it’s not a life threatening op’ (cause I know there’s nasty people out there,someone said to Charlotte ‘at least your child is alive’ I mean what’s wrong with people) I know it’s not life threatening but until you’re in this position never judge as I wouldn’t wish this on anyone regardless if your baby is going in for minor or major surgery they all come with risks and it’s bloody scary so never make anyone feel small, silly or bad for worrying especially if you’re a parent!!

Anyhow me worrying about it isn’t gonna change the fact that it’s is happening and in a weeks time Arthur will be 3days into his recovery and no longer have a cleft palate, which I have to say we are gonna miss. Well I won’t miss being sneezed on 50 times a day and being sprayed by wheatabix, spuds or yoghurt lol but I will miss his little ‘darth vader’ noises in his sleep, his wee cute nasally noises and that oh so bloody cute smile when he throws his head back and proudly shows off his cleft palate that we as parents are ever so proud of. What Arthur has came through this past 11months is amazing, especially since we got a late diagnosis and we were in-fact home before his cleft palate was discovered/confirmed…I’ll never forget that day and I’m forever grateful for the community midwife (now friend) for picking up on it.

Always smiling 💙All the love💙

Look at him he’s just amazing💪🏻Oh Arthur 💛

I’m sure in true Arthur style he will win over the hearts of the doctors and nurses in ROYAL BELFAST HOSPITAL FOR SICK CHILDREN the minute he smiles and he will take on his surgery and recovery like a trooper just like he’s done living with a cleft palate…He will always be our cleft cutie and we will always be a cleft proud family and we continue to raise awareness of it and will most definitely be holding a fundraiser once our little star has made a full recovery.

Thanks for reading

Love (a very anxious)Jenna x

Needs must…

Ok so I’m gonna get real honest here…Well I always am as you’s know so I’m just going to put it out there…I tried to sell my soul and do an #ad on Instagram 😳 Queue the unfollows!

Yes I’ve done it and I’m not ashamed to admit that it’s a needs must purpose now and I’ll tell you’s why…I have a young family that I want/need to support and I want to do my best to provide for them and if that means staging the odd pretty picture and being paid for it then so be it.

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The first picture I submitted before the cupcakes 

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The second picture of the finished result. Unfortunately the campaign budget ran out before they got approved or declined 

I’m just under 3weeks away from my second maternity leave ending and with no job on the horizon YET I figured ‘why not’ i have a pretty good, loyal following and I have the chance to make some money so i’m grabbing the opportunity with both hands.

I’ll be the first to admit that when the whole #ad craze started on Instagram a few months back I rolled my eyes at some because I scrolling my feed an seeing the same ad over an over again, it was repetitive and same same BUT since speaking to a few bloggers and gathering some information on it I can see why so many are doing it. My Instagram shows signs of potential, I have a small platform to grow my following and earn a little money for my growing family.

I really hope that if/when I do the odd ad here and there that I will continue to have the support an encouragement from my loyal, long term and new followers. I will ALWAYS be honest and open as that’s just me and I know my followers appreciate me for that. The way I see it is that I’m always giving shout outs an tagging brands on here anyway and people are always messaging me to ask my opinion on items I use or let me know that they’ve purchased a particular item because they’ve seen me rave about it. So I think by only taking on an ad/brand that I truly believe in or I already use I’ll continue to have that support…I hope.

I know I didn’t have to write this or justify myself to anyone really but I think if you’s follow me on Instagram daily and read my blogs you’s will know that I prefer to open about everything and this is no different. As I said it’s a ‘needs must’ money doesn’t grow on trees and food doesn’t magically appear on the table. So for now I will do what I can to provide for my boys…Judge away.

Jenna x

Am I enough…

I’m sure I’m not alone when I say this but as a wife and mother I’m always asking myself ‘am i enough’ and second guessing myself. Those same questions too…Do I do enough for my boys? Am I a good mummy? Am I a good wife? Could I do more? You get the jist of it I’m sure, I just constantly wonder if I’m enough.

Although in the last week or two I’ve come to realise that you know what I believe I am a pretty damn good mummy to my boys. Yes I lose my shit on a regular basis and sometimes feel like I might go insane when they’re tag teaming me with their moaning, whinging or just attention seeking and I barely get a minute to pee in peace but generally my days are good and I do hold it all together, I keep two small humans alive and they’re both happy and content.

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I am so lucky 

As I’m still on maternity leave I am at home 5-6days a week with Seth and Arthur as Peter works full time and occasionally does over time or on call at weekends. This means I’ve to entertain both of them and tend to their needs by myself (which I don’t deserve a medal for obviously as I’m their mummy and that’s what I do) but it can be hard to split your time and still feel like your giving both children the attention they need. A toddler can be demanding, temperamental and well as I’ve said before a bit of a dick sometimes and a baby well they’re generally not too bad they eat, sleep, poop and repeat. Although with Arthur being 6months old now he is often awake more during the day plus said toddler is usually torturing the life out of him so he gets no peace to sleep unless he’s in his bed…even then he’s not safe sometimes.

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He tortures him but he adores him 

I don’t have a childminder and Seth doesn’t go to nursery (yet…I’m counting the days now tho) so it’s literally me and them all week until Peter gets home we don’t see many unless we go to a class or the park, as family and friends are working etc. Yes I probably could do more with them and I’ll always question myself over my parenting skills but for now I believe ‘I am enough’

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I am enough 

As for a wife well there’s always room for improvement and I’m sure there’s many an evening when poor Peter reverses his van into the driveway and takes a few deep breathes, ya know to psych himself up for coming into goodness knows what chaos. Now in fairness about 3-4months ago he would’ve came in and I would’ve just scowled or barked at him cause I was tired, drained and just wanted someone else to take the reigns so I could have a breather but now 6months down the line with 2children 2 and under I think he feels safer coming into the house and he gets greeted with usually 2 happy, smiling boys and I no longer scowl at him I’ve usually a coffee waiting for him and we chat about our days.

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Oldoe but goodie pic. Not long after having Seth…Before the days of scowling began lol 

We have been chatting lately tho about making more time for ourselves as a couple and trying to have a date night at least once a month. We aren’t just mummy and daddy, we need to switch off and be Jenna and Peter sometimes and have some fun. It’s hard tho to get two kids looked after so we don’t often get out or have those monthly date nights but we still make time at the weekends sit at opposite ends of the sofa (we all do it) to watch a film and have a wee drink together. I could do more housework, I could cook better dinners, I could iron more often (I rarely do that) I could make more of an effort in my appearance, I could be nicer, I could do a lot more but we are happy and therefore right now I believe as a wife ‘I am enough’.

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My rock, my best friend, my pain in the arse, but I wouldn’t be without him 

Jenna x

Let them be little…

What age is Arthur now? Oh is he sitting up yet? Is he in his own room yet? Have you’s started spoon feeds yet? Is he teething yet?

Just a few of the questions that I’m currently being asked or I know I’ll be asked shortly and the answer is NO…No my baby is still very much a baby he’s only 5months old this weekend. Yes ok I know he is teething as he’s constantly dribbling and soaked just like Seth used to be and the fists are constantly in his mouth but no he’s not sitting up, no he’s not spoon feeding, no he’s not in his own room and you know what I love that he or we are not doing any of these things because then it means he stays my little baby for longer.

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My baby Arthur at 5months old

As a second time mummy I feel I am in no rush at all for Arthur to grow up. I never rushed Seth either and in fairness neither did he lol Seth has always been a little slower anyway, to sit up, crawl, walk and even at 2yrs 2mths old his speech isn’t fantastic either but that’s ok all the professionals have reassured us it’s fine an that it will come and so I’m happy with that. All babies and children develop at their own rate so yes ok if your baby is a quick developer then that’s great but in my journey it’s not been the case.

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My big baby Seth at 5months old

Just lately I have seen so many first time mummy’s starting to post about their babies moving into their own rooms at a couple of months old, sitting up, starting to spoon feed etc and some are not even Arthur’s age and referring to them as ‘not being a baby anymore’ ehhhh aren’t they babies technically until they’re one?? I still call Seth my baby and he’s over 2. Anyway at 4mths ‘for me’ personally I feel that it is just too soon and I know i health visitors and some gp’s say ‘let them try this or that from the spoon’ I just think if they’re fine on their milk then let them go with it until you can’t carry it too them as such.

Before you know it one day you’ll wake up and your little baby will be a temperamental toddler who you spend most of your day fighting with to feed, they’ll turn their nose up at everything you offer them, throw the meal you’ve just spent ages preparing an cutting into shapes on the floor and basically just rebelling against everything you do or say. Seth’s fave saying at the minute is ‘NO WAY’ I’m dreading the teenage years already if this is 2.

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In the blink of an eye he is my now temperamental toddler

Basically my point is….LET THEM BE LITTLE they will never be this small or dependent on you again and tomorrow they’ll be a little older and you’ll be wishing they still were laying in your arms feeding off your breast or from a bottle and looking into your eyes and knowing that you are they’re everything and that they need you for everything! Those newborn baby days, weeks and months go far too fast so breath in every last minute of it, there’s plenty of time for weaning, sitting up, crawling, walking and talking they’re all brilliant times too of course there’s nothing like seeing your little human learn and develop but honestly from a second time mummy take it from me it goes far to fast without rushing them.

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I wish I could keep him at this stage for longer

Jenna x

Instagram isn’t reality…

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So i like most, if not all of you that read my blog have an Instagram account I’m sure, that’s how you found my blog likely! I joined Instagram back in 2012 and I had zero clue what it was about but I knew straightaway I kinda liked it cause I felt I could share more on there than on Facebook and yet never felt judged. It was this lovely little space full of pictures from random people all over the world and I probably didn’t share everyday but when I did I just uploaded a pic, sometimes with/without a caption and a couple of hashtags (I hadn’t a clue what hashtags were for) and no filters in sight.

I was planning my wedding at the time and I followed a few girls who were on the same journey as myself and some wedding inspiration pages. Then when I became pregnant I discovered some lovely like minded ladies again who were on the same journey as me, the crazy one into motherhood. I liked their pages they had some lovely pics of their everyday life and nursery’s in progress.

Fast forward 5years and Instagram…well for me it just isn’t what it used to be. I now rarely get to see my faves since the whole algorithm thing changed, I have to search for people I wanna see. Instead I’m shown the more popular accounts, shops or ads and while that’s all well an good it’s not why I loved Instagram to begin with. Unfortunately for me too some of those ladies I originally followed back at the beginning obviously don’t see me now either as I barely seem to register on their radar, ah well I guess it’s hard to keep up with all your followers.

Now I know writing this post is gonna open a can of worms probably but I just wanna be real and open and that’s what I try to be on my Instagram and here on my blog…Real, open and honest #honestyisthebestpolicy and all that.

First off I’m a follower, I follow the herd, if I see something I like I want it, so yes when peonies came into season I HAD to have a bunch, never had a bunch in my life but because they were on almost every page on Instagram I had to have them. I’ve staged pictures too, haven’t we all at some point cause why not everyone else does but almost as soon as i do I think ‘why’??
I like to see a pretty home, a stylish lady and a lovely shop owned by a mama who’s working to all hours putting out orders don’t get me wrong that’s fantastic but most or a lot of people (myself included) say they use their Instagram as an online photo diary, a day to day account in pictures of their life so they can look back on in years to come but this is where I get confused tho and I have to question ‘Are your kids gonna care about pictures with peonies or tulips or whatever flower is in that season’ and when did staging a pic in your kitchen/living room/coffee shop/day out or standing up against a wall to take the ‘perfect picture’ become ‘normal/real life’ I’m sorry but it’s just not. I don’t know about you but i love digging out my own childhood pictures at mum&dads and sitting having a good bloody laugh at the dodgy haircuts, fashion and just natural non posed pics of me and my sister, family and friends having fun and not a flower in sight, unless we were playing beside a some outside…Those were the days.

If like me you’re a mother a lot of your days will be spent in pjs, gym wear (never gets worn to the gym so might as well make use of it somehow) or clothes that already have baby vomit on it from the previous day, your hair will be greasy cause you can’t remember when you last had a chance to get a shower that lasted long enough to be able to wash your hair too and you’ll have a baby needing your attention most the day or a tornado toddler wrecking your house that you spent time tidying the evening before or having a tantrum cause you maybe gave them the wrong bloody cup, god forbid…I have both at the minute!

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The baby and the tornado behind my crazy Instagram…

I have to say I totally admire those women who seem to ‘have it altogether’ with a full/part time job, a beautiful home, well dressed kids, a lovely fashion sense and a great social life, I admire you and I’m totally jealous…Hands up I said it I’m jealous, cause I just have never been an will never be one of those women but you know what thats ok. It’s ok to ‘not have your shit together’ I’m comfortable with that (finally) I don’t have an immaculate home but it’s not dirty either, my kids always have clean clothes on each day but they get messy and that’s ok too, that’s real life. I don’t get it when people post a pic on Instagram or their stories and they say ‘ignore the mess’, ‘don’t mind the dirt on the child’s face’, ‘excuse the state of this or that’ or my biggest pet hate ‘ignore the brightly coloured plastic toys’ (what that your child is using to learn with…Let them be little) honestly most people won’t/don’t notice those things cause it’s normal by saying it you actually draw attention to it. In fact I would love to see more of those messy/ everyday/non staged pics all over my feed cause it reminds us that we are all just doing the best we can.

Obviously everyone has the right to have the perfect or imperfect Instagram page they desire, it’s each to their own and that’s what draws people to them, but for me it just baffles me a little cause it seems that if you strategically place a flower into any pic you’ll draw up likes and followers galore but if you post a pic of your reality eg. messy kids/home, a cute baby/kid or whatever our day consisted of you don’t draw the same amount of attention and to me that’s just crazy. The same way someone with thousands of followers are given free items to promote (I’m not talking about bloggers as obviously that’s how most make a living) and yet someone with less followers purchases from the same shop and tries to help promote the business with a pic an a tag and gets nothing in return…Crazy! So it’s lead me to recently unfollow a lot of shops on Instagram cause I wasn’t for spending my maternity pay or hard earned (when working) money on a small shop that didn’t care about us ‘small people’ I only shop from a handful now on Instagram, I just go to the high street, cause why not?

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This picture racked up more likes than a picture of my gorgeous sons smiling face as he was playing in the park….All because there was a pink peony in it.

So while Instagram isn’t what it used to be (for me) I do still enjoy it (most days) as it lets me interact with some beautiful/genuine ladies from all over the globe and I’ve also been so lucky to find and meet in person the loveliest group of fellow NI mummy’s who I now call friends and chat with everyday. I do find myself getting irritated by little things and as I said I do get jealous and I feel totally inadequate as a mother/wife/woman in general quite often after scrolling my feed most days but I won’t let it dull my sparkle. I’m just going to keep being me and you’ll either love me or hate me as I’ve said before. My Instagram isn’t perfect, neither is my life and those little squares and my Insta stories represent that….My Perfectly Imperfect life.

Jenna x

 

Why so much pressure?

You’s all know that pressure ladies the pressure every woman feels after childbirth and I’m not talking about the pressure to have that first poo post labour (that’s a whole other blog post) I’m talking about the pressure we women put on ourselves to ‘snap back’ into shape, into our pre pregnancy bodies/clothes.

I myself never really had a figure to be envious of before pregnancies and babies anyway but still each time after having both my boys I couldn’t wait until the day came I could get my big childbearing hips and ass into my pre pregnancy jeans. Which is bloody stupid really cause lets face it those over the bump maternity jeans are life and way more comfier than normal waisted jeans any day, but still I found myself waiting for that non scale victory both times.

If you’re lucky enough to have one of those ‘I can eat anything and never put on weight’ bodies then I’m in awe of you…If you have one of those ‘I can eat what I want but I have to workout 3-4times a week’ bodies then I’m in awe of you and if like me you have one of those ‘I look at food and gain weight on the spot but takes about a month to lose 7lb’ bodies then I sympathise with you cause it’s bloody hard to get that weight off and it’s even harder when you’re the owner of 2 small humans who take up 90% of your time.

I’m not using my kids an excuse or reason that I’m a chubber at all cause I wasn’t a skinny minnie before they arrived but I had time to diet and exercise if I wanted and I did. I lost almost 2st before my wedding and went on my honeymoon and wore that bikini cause I’d worked bloody hard to get that weight off (plus no one knew me and truthfully I was drinking cocktails around 11am most days🙌🏻 You gotta when it’s all inclusive) so I really didn’t give a damn I’d just married the man I love and he loved me for me and I truthfully did feel the most confident I’d felt in years.

I’ve also spent the best part of 4years now pregnant…Say whatttt….With our first little angel I was pregnant Dec 2013-Feb 2014, I then ate my way through my grief of their loss until I found out I was pregnant with Seth in Sept 2014-May 2015 and then with Arthur May 2016-Feb 2017.

Realistically yes I could’ve lost weight between Seth and Arthur and of course I joined SW for the 100th time and tried but I was too busy enjoying my baby and eating my way through maternity leave on lunch and coffee dates with fellow mama’s! Plus I didn’t really put on ‘baby weight’ with both my pregnancies I only gained around 1-1.5st max which was gone by day3-4pp usually then I had ‘snapped back’ to my normal chubby self.

I suppose what I’m waffling on about is why oh why do women feel the need to lose that baby weight and get into those pre pregnancy clothes so fast?? It took us 9months to grow these perfect little humans so surely it should take us or we should give ourselves 9months to ‘snap back’. Shouldn’t we be enjoying our babies and taking in those newborn snuggles and eating all the treats people come with when visiting (well the first time round, second time is so different, I had visitors but nowhere to the extent Seth had, poor second child syndrome) instead of worrying about how many syns or calories we are eating and when we can get to the gym or get out for a walk.

Ladies let’s embrace those post partum bodies and look in the mirror and be proud of what those tummies have done. You may or may not have gained tiger stripes, which I have and I actually couldn’t be prouder of them cause they remind me of the amazing thing my body has done and that there’s also women out there that would love to have those tiger stripes and loose skin but unfortunately they can’t. I certainly don’t love my body but I most definitely don’t hate it either, I mean how could I when it gave me these two perfect humans.

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I know we are all fighting our own battles and we all have our comfy weight/size but…..Be gentle with yourself, you are doing the best you can.

Jenna. x

Terrible Two’s…

Ohhhh the joys…I kinda have to admit I was dreading this stage of parenting from the get go. I mean sure there’s so much developing and learning going on with Seth and it’s wonderful to watch and we see something new with him literally every day which is amazing but boy oh boy is it bloody hard work. Parenting is NOT for the faint hearted I tell you.

Every time I hear that saying ‘oh it’s just the terrible two’s’ I hear myself repeating the famous lines from Charlotte & Miranda in SATC movie2. Charlotte ‘She’s (he in my case) not terrible’ then followed by Miranda’s line of ‘No he’s not terrible, the terrible two’s are terrible’ and it’s that second line I have to keep reminding myself of ‘Seth is not terrible, it’s the terrible two’s that are terrible’ cause to be honest some days it’s really challenging and judge me all you want and I’m sure I’m not alone in this when I say ‘I find it hard to like him’ Of course I love Seth more than life itself he’s my son, my love for him is unconditional that’s a given but some days I just don’t like the child he is.

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Like butter wouldn’t melt

I do know that’s it’s all part of growing up and it is another phase and this to shall pass, just like every other phase we thought we would never get over but I have to say this is the hardest to date, hands down. Give me teething or sleepless nights any day over tears, tantrums, hitting, kicking, screaming, torturing his baby bro, screeching into people’s faces when they speak to him…Oh the list is endless at the minute.

Seth in fairness did take becoming a big brother to Arthur at just 21months old brilliantly, he was a wee dream he kissed him, cuddled him and just wanted to be near him all the time, which he still does he adores him and Arthur adores him back but we have definitely started to notice the ‘jealous’ streak in the last couple of weeks. He has become a little shall we say rougher with Arthur and when I in particular speak, kiss or feed Arthur, Seth is eyeballing me and seeking my attention and of course that’s perfectly normal I mean he had my undivided attention everyday, all day before Arthur arrived but I just know it’s more to do with this bloody ‘terrible two’ stage than anything.

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He loves his wee brother so much

We did get great news last week though that Seth received a place on the 2 year old programme ran by SureStart in our town. (SureStart is amazing, if you don’t already go to it check out if you fall in the catchment area and if so go along a take advantage of all the amazing programmes they run) To say We were thrilled and excited about Seth receiving the place is an understatement, it saves us looking for a childminder or sending him to a private nursery for now but mainly we can not wait to see how his development comes along. Seth is slightly behind in his speech for his age but we’ve been told it’s nothing to worry about at the minute and we’ve also been told that by Christmas time Seth will be like a different child as he reaps the benefits of the SureStart programme. Oh an did I mention it’s like 7hrs a week that I get to myself…Say what!!!! Well time for me and little Arthur, even though I’ll miss the wee sod.

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Me and my boy

The tears, tantrums, screaming etc etc aside though Seth is genuinely the sweetest kid he is sharing, caring, loveable, hilarious, gives the best tightest hugs ever and he’s a darling but on the bad days I would happily sell him on eBay…lols

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The naked gardener…Cracks us up everyday

So in conclusion the terrible twos bloody suck big time there’s no sugar coating it and if your 2year old doesn’t act like a dick on a daily basis well then aren’t you winning at life and I’m totally jealous but for now we will just have to ride it out and wait for yet another phase to pass and for the safe return of our sweet little boy.

Jenna x