I never in my life thought I would hear myself say it but I am SO OVER pregnancy! I’m done, I’m sooooo done, with the mood swings, the hormones, the sickness, the insomnia, the incapability of doing simple everyday tasks, like shaving my legs, keeping up with the boys, even being out of bloody breath just having a conversation and I’m fed up to the back teeth of heartburn. Also I’m not being the wife & mummy I usually am, I really don’t like the version I am right now, I’m grumpy, shouty, anxious and super unproductive like everything is a chore even getting myself or the boys dressed and that’s not me….There’s plenty more I’m sure I could yap on about but I won’t right now!
I LOVED my pregnancies with the boys I felt glowing, confident and often dare I say a little smug as I never suffered any sickness and so I always knew I wanted another pregnancy after Arthur, I just knew I wasn’t done and wanted to feel all those amazing feels again. Don’t get me wrong I’ve loved feeling this little one kick, grow and see her develop on my fortnightly scans and I feel incredibly lucky but I’ve definitely not felt the way I did with the previous two pregnancies and I just want baby girl here now safely in my arms.
As women I think we are expected to feel nothing but amazing when pregnant and if we feel or admit in anyway that we aren’t ecstatic about it we are made feel that all consuming bloody guilt that we feel ALL the time from the minute we become pregnant to that ‘mum guilt’ we then carry everyday. Yes we are extremely lucky and privileged to be able to get pregnant and carry babies (it’s a thing far too many women are deprived of unfortunately) but it doesn’t mean we HAVE to feel happy everyday, all day throughout the 9months. It’s ok not to be ok and it’s ok not to be happy while pregnant, it doesn’t mean you care less or don’t love your growing baby it usually just means you’re not feeling yourself and of course you might not you’re growing another human being our bodies are working incredibly hard and the hormones are raging through our bodies it’s ok to be irrational.
I have suffered sickness this pregnancy that I never felt or experienced with my two previous. I haven’t been sick everyday or hospitalised like some poor women thankfully but that feeling of sickness and nausea everyday is horrible and even now at 37weeks I’m heaving and/or vomiting every morning or just feeling rough throughout the day. I feel ever so sorry for those women that suffer with hyperemesis gravidarum that must be thee most soul destroying feeling ever and still a lot of them go on to have numerous pregnancies knowing they will likely suffer it again…Now they are superwomen in my eyes.
I’ll not lie either I’ve been extremely anxious this pregnancy about how I’m going to cope when I have 3 children (3 and under for 4months) and I’ve worried myself sick that I’ll not be able to do it and I’ll be a really shitty mummy, I mean the things that go through my mind are nuts any wonder I don’t sleep lol
You’ll have seen on Instagram too if you follow me on there that I went ahead and booked to have my placenta encapsulated to take for my post natal recovery as I’ve also been worrying myself sick that I will suffer from PND this time around, which is nothing to be ashamed of obviously and I’m so proud to see so many women/friends speak up about it lately but i know how I felt after I had Arthur and the changes that came with going from 1-2children and with him having had the cleft palate it was a struggle in those early weeks/months and if I had of fully admitted it to myself I probably would’ve done myself a favour to chat to people a bit more about how I was coping and feeling so this time after researching ALOT and speaking to the lovely Devon of Precious Placenta’s i decided to go ahead and commit to booking it and I’m excited to see what my post natal journey is like this time.
So the final countdown to baby girls arrival is on as I type this, I’ve technically 3wks to due date but with having Gestational Diabetes I will be induced at 39wks like the previous two times although the little madam would need to get herself turned around toot sweet and get that head down cause this mummy hasn’t really got tome for a 6weeks recovery that comes with a section so I’m trying to do what I can and keeping all crossed while also thinking positive that she will get the memo and turn just like her brother’s did last minute and we get the birth we have been preparing for but if not and it is a section then so be it, either way…We can’t wait to meet you now Baby girl 💕